If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You did what with his pubic hair?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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