I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm both gender and math confused
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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