just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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