well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
