Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm having to shit out rocks
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