i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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