I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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