How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Im part way to drunk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
