I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
