Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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