Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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