it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
