The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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