Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
