True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
