I puked a lego.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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