Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
