Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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