I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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