Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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