I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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