I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
