I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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