Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
