First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
