do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
