apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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