Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
