Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
