I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
