just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
