Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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