Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
