I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Welp...herpes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
