u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
