Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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