sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
