my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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