She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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