Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
