Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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