I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
