I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
