I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
