Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
