nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love how my cats smell like pot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
