Cold hands, warm shart.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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