I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
