At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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