I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
