I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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