i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
false alarm, still single
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
