first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
