omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
