3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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