This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
